


Echo

by WondersoftheMultiverse



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Complete, Depression, Echo - Jason Walker, F/M, Imagine Spock saving you from your own mind, Mentions of loss, Mystery, Reader-Insert, Romance, Vulcan Kiss, inspired by a song, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 12:59:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11291205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WondersoftheMultiverse/pseuds/WondersoftheMultiverse
Summary: Spock shook his head once, “To the contrary the Enterprise would not be the same without you. The efficiency of the science lab would not be upheld to the same standard, and your level of work is far greater than many other Ensign’s in your division.”You laughed quietly as you stepped closer, “A reference isn’t what I need to hear right now. Please, let me at least have a chance at saving you.”Inspired by the song Echo - Jason Walker





	Echo

**Echo**

You opened your eyes slowly with a groan, your back arching as you re-positioned yourself gradually. Rolling across the cold tiled floor, you took in your surroundings slowly. At first glance you recognised your quarters, the dark shadows swirling around the corners of the room menacingly as the darkness of space swallowed your surroundings whole. Ignoring the strange sense of apprehension which settled in your stomach, you shifted to press your palms beneath your chest and against the floor.

With quivering arms you slowly levered yourself upwards, your elbows screaming in response as you finally reached an upright sitting position, your head pulsating at the menial action.

“Lights at twenty percent.” You commanded softly as you pushed your back up against the foot of your bed. With a shuddered breath you closed your eyes lightly, your mind struggling to focus as it remained a jumbled mess of images and sounds. A frown creeped across your features as you struggled to recall anything prior to waking, but no matter how hard you scratched away at the surface, nothing moved to the forefront of your mind.

Cracking open an eye you sighed as you glanced upwards to the lighting above you; the distinct lack of overpowering white light causing a nervous chill to settle over you.

“Lights at twenty percent.” You repeated again, your tone more forceful than before. However once again, the system remained unchanged.

Flexing your fingers, you shifted suddenly using the momentum to rock up and onto the balls of your feet. Taking a moment to steady yourself, your eyes narrowed in on the access panel beside the door to your quarters.

You had barely moved a step when a soft rustling erupted from behind you, the layers of nervousness and apprehension which had rested in your stomach erupting to life once again; sending your mind into overdrive.

Eyes wide, you struggled to ignore the hairs which stood abrupt on the back of your neck. Pivoting slowly to face the strange sound, your eyes widened dramatically in response to what laid sprawled before you.

There, sprawled out across your bed, was you.

You were lying in bed, or so your mirror image appeared to be. The realistic copy was wide awake, her eyes splayed open and staring lifelessly at the ceiling above; lips parted ever so slightly as soft breathes slipped past chapped lips. The mirror image’s arms remained folded across her chest, fingers wrapped tightly around each other as if providing a tether to reality.

“Ensign (Y/L/N).”

Your heart raced in response to the familiar voice, turning suddenly your eyes narrowed at the sudden appearance of your commander. His posture was rigid as always, with his eyes seemingly lifeless as his emotionless gaze settled on your own.

“Mister Spock?” You hesitated, your mind straining to comprehend your surroundings. Risking a brief glance over your shoulder, you spared the image in your bed a second glance. “W-Where are we?”

“Sickbay.” Spock replied as if a matter of fact. Your eyebrows furrowed at the response, your feet stumbling backwards as the commander approached you slowly; his hands clasped behind his back.

Reading the confusion from your features, Spock proceeded to elaborate further. “However If you are referring to your current surroundings, we appear to be in one of your memories.”

“Wait- Rewind, what?” You spluttered, your eyes flickering between his own.

Across the room your mirror image suddenly moved, her fingers unlinking as she shuffled across the bed; her feet flopping on to the floor as she stood upwards and stretched slowly. Gripping the nearby clock, you watched as she reluctantly checked the time; a small grimace filling the copy’s features as you noted the digits yourself.

_‘Two hours sleep, that’s a minor improvement.’_

Just like that the memory returned to your mind, like a small piece of a puzzle slotting back into place; you remembered this. How could you not? It had only been the other morning? Hadn’t it?

A vein in your temple twitched as you struggled to recall the proceeding of events, dark shadows clouded your judgement leaving the scene before you as the only anchor point for your memories. Drawing your eyes back to your image, you watched as after a brief shrug of her shoulders she moved across the room; her fingers lingering on the sheets of the bed longingly before passing between yourself and Spock and submerging into the bathroom.

The whole experience was all too surreal.

A low hum which sounded like a mix of a cough and acknowledgement reigned in your reverie, as you trailed your gaze back to the commander; your eyebrows piqued as you awaited an explanation.

“At thirteen hundred hours you were selected to accompany myself and Doctor McCoy on an away mission. The mission’s premise was simple, however due to unforeseen complications we were attacked by an Andorian subspecies known as the Aenar.” Spock paused briefly as his lips drew into a thin line, his eyes hesitating for the briefest of moments.

“You sacrificed yourself so that the team could escape.-” The commander paused again, his head tilting in a precise manner as he tagged an additional note on to the end of his sentence. “-An action which you performed despite myself and Doctor McCoy expressing strongly against it.”

Sighing your frown lines deepened as the explanation did little to help your recall of the missing memories. “I did?.”

“You do not recall?”

You shook your head slowly in response, your eyes falling from the commander and to the hem of your dress. Slowly you used the edge of your nail to trace the stitches of your blue uniform; a small mannerism you had adopted when your nerves threatened to overcome you. After all you would be lying if you said that worry wasn’t already beginning to overpower your judgement.

“Once aboard the ship, the Captain received a transmission from the Aenar. They insisted that their attack was not one of violence and that you had not been harmed. After some negotiation, Jim convinced the Aenar to return you to the Enterprise.”

Your eyes drifted back to the commander slowly. “I sense a but coming…”

Inclining his head in agreement, Spock’s eyes twitched. “Despite their claim, when you were beamed back aboard the Enterprise you were in a state of unconsciousness. It is believed that once you came in contact with the Aenar physically, you were attacked psychically without their knowledge or meaning.”

The sudden creaking from the bathroom ceased Spock’s monotonous explanation as your mirror image emerged, her hands numbly rustling through her hair as she approached the full length mirror beside you.

Turning back to the commander, you signalled for him to continue.

“The consequence of the attack is that you appear to be-” Spock’s voice uncharacteristically faltered for the briefest of moments. “In a comatose state.”

You brought a finger up slowly, your eyes narrowing inwardly on the commander skeptically. “Are you- are you saying that I’m in a coma?”

“Precisely.”

“How are you here then? If this is my mind and all…”

Spock raised his hand upwards, his fingers guiding your pointed finger down and away from his face; allowing your arm to rest at your side once again. “Doctor McCoy can find no medical reasoning behind your refusal to regain consciousness. The Aenar believe that it is a mental ailment, I therefore concluded that a mind meld was the best course of action.”

Your eyelids fluttered as you recalled learning about Vulcan mind melds in the Academy,  although the books on the ability were limited it was important for an officer to understand the touch technique. In short, the ability allows a Vulcan to merge his or her mind with the essence of another’s, purely through specialized contact of their fingertips

Snapping back to the present, you stepped unknowingly closer to the commander. “And Doctor McCoy agreed to that?”

“To the contrary Doctor McCoy neither agreed nor disagreed.”

You smirked slowly, your heart fluttering within your chest at the notion. “Sir… I-”

Before you could finish however, a sudden shifting in the shadows drew your attention. Reaching a hand upwards, you pushed Spock to the side; his gaze following your own to the far corner of the room. Amongst the darkness, a shrill figure began to morph into existence before you. It was a humanoid shape you reasoned, however its movements protested otherwise. With frantic clicks, the limbs of the shadow fell into place before the creature itself swam from the room and phased through the door, leaving a behind faint whispers of unknown voices.

You frowned, glancing across to your mirror image. The memory version of you seemed not to have noticed the commotion, and instead she ran a hand across her face; cheeks shimmering with what appeared to be dried tear stains. You noted numbly the soft tremor which raked her hands as she held them flat before her, the image’s eyes closing as she exhaled softly.

_“My echo is the only voice coming back, shadow is the only friend that I have.”_

Shaking the thought from your head, you turned back to Spock. “Did you see that?”

“Fascinating.” The half vulcan muttered, his feet already moving forwards and across the room to where the creature had appeared from. “It would appear that there is another presence within your consciousness.”

“You think that’s the reason I’m not waking up?” You ventured, a sense of hope riding on your tone. Your strides did not hesitate as you followed the commander across the room.

“The probability that the entity is the complication appears high. Perhaps it would be prudent to follow it.”

You snorted loudly, as Spock knelt down on the ground before you; his pale hand extended outwards as he brushed away at the textured surface of the wall. “Follow it! Isn’t that how the main character dies in every horror movie?”

Rising from his position, Spock turned to face you; his features tightening as he raised an eyebrow high. “Although I do not understand your meaning, I concur that the decision to follow the figure is illogical. However seeing as our options are limited it is the only course of action we can undertake.”

“Fair enough.” You shrug. Spock nodded in confirmation, his feet pivoting as he turned to head towards the door of your quarters.

It was in them brief moments that a sudden wave of panic overswept you, your heart quickening at the notion. ”Wait, Commander!”

Spock froze mid stride, his body shifting to the side as he faced you once more. Slowly the commander noted your own position, your face pulled tight with worry as you reached your arm outwards after him. His eyes eventually meeting your own and widening fractionally. Was he concerned?

Clearing your throat, you gestured across to your mirror image who seemed to have finished composing herself in the mirror. You knew the answer to your next question already, but you needed to have it confirmed before you would continue any further. “Can you- Can you see this?”

Spock followed your gaze across to the memory version of you, her hands tightening around a nearby tricorder before moving towards the door. “You refer to your memories?” Spock clarified.

With a minute shake of your head, you found yourself holding your breath in anticipation; fingernails biting sharply into the skin of your palm as you screwed your fists tightly shut.

“Yes.”

Under normal circumstances, providing you actually remembered whatever memories you had, you would have agreed to submerge further into your consciousness. However, with the unknown on your hands and lingering right around the corner, accompanied with the strange feelings which rippled through your abdomen, it was perhaps better to take things into your own.

“You know what, you should probably go.” You reasoned, your voice sounding weak even to your own ears. “I know what to do now, and what’s happening.”

Spock remained as stoic as ever, his feet neither moving towards yourself or the door. Instead he simply looked to the floor, his mind obviously deciphering your hidden meaning.

“What if the Enterprise gets into trouble? What if Jim needs you?” You tried again, however with the sharp snap of his gaze to meet your own, you knew that it was pointless trying to reason further.

“Your change of attitude suggests that you don’t wish for me to see any further memories than the one we are currently within.”

Another smile graced your features as you stepped forwards, “I mean, they are my memories Commander. I can’t even recall them, what if you walk in on something personal?”

The mere thought of commander Spock potentially seeing something that he shouldn’t sent a chill running down your spine, whether it was of apprehension or excitement you couldn’t decide.

As if reading your mind, commander Spock’s rigid posture lessened substantially; an intrigued expression tugging away at his facial features.

A warm blush crept across your cheeks as you to came to the sudden realisation that, technically, he was reading your mind and probably felt the same feelings as your own.

Raising your hands in defence, you opted for another tactic. “I thought it was dangerous for Vulcans to-”

Spock stepped forwards then, his back straightening abruptly as he raised a hand upwards; cutting your off your excuse.

“Although I am grateful for your concern Ensign, it is unnecessary. Without my continued presence your consciousness would succumb to darkness, the meld is creating the interactive platform you see before you in order to view your memories.”

Turning on his heel, Spock marched out of your quarters with a renewed pace. Reading the notion as a sign for no further discussion, you skipped forwards as you moved to quickly follow the commander. Ahead of you, Spock opened the metal door to your quarters; before submerging himself into a wall of white light.

“Mister Spock, wait!”

As you stepped through the door and into the light, the world around you morphed suddenly. Either side of you a prismatic haze appeared causing the light to ripple across it’s surface as it pulsated with energy, the floor you stood on shifted vertically as the walls shimmered like the surface of water and moved into different shapes. Stumbling slightly at the shift of gravity, nausea rocked your senses causing you to grasp tightly at your lips in a vain attempt to prevent your gag reflex.

As soon as the morphing of your surroundings had started, the strange occurrence ended; the only sign of it ever occurring being the softly changing lighting of the Enterprise’s hallways as they darkened considerably.

“Fascinating. The change in scenery appears to have changed the memory.” Spock announced, his composure remaining as professional as ever.

Glancing backwards, a small gasp slipped past your lips as you noted Spock’s observations were correct. Although you had passed through the door mere second ago, you were no longer outside your quarters and instead were lost within one of the many corridors which filled the saucer section of the Enterprise.

Shuffling away from the door, you flinched as you felt the sudden touch of commander Spock rest against your shoulder. Tilting your head to the side slowly, you found his gaze on your own once more; his eyes shimmering with an unknown emotion. Straightening your posture, you slowly dropped your hand away from your mouth; a small half confident smile flashing across your lips as you signalled that you were ok.

“I don’t know about new memory, I think it’s the same one.” You announced half heartedly. Spock’s eyes narrowed in on you as he slowly removed his hand from your shoulder, the gaze causing your cheeks to burn indignantly.

“What? Everything is muddled!” You announced accusingly, “It’s like completing a puzzle without seeing the patterns.”

Spock’s eyebrow rose at the metaphor, however before he could respond the soft footfalls of approaching feet filled the corridor. Snapping your head to the right, you frowned as you spotted the familiar silhouette of Doctor McCoy walking towards you both.

You were about to question the memory, when Spock’s arms guided you to the side just in time for your own mirror image to walk past. The copy of you seemed to clock the Doctor instantly, her limbs seizing up as she ceased her walking and grimaced at the sight of him. Glancing either side, the image appeared to spin on her heel and head back the way she had come.

_“Struggling to sleep (Y/N)?” Doctor McCoy announced loudly as he clocked your retreating figure._

You watched with intrigue as the mirror image of you took a deep breath and turned back to the doctor slowly, a false smile filling her features.

_“It’s not like you to be up, you’re usually out to the world.”_

_“No sir.” You replied casually, your eyes flickering to the left as you sought to devise a suitable excuse. “Commander Spock asked me to have an earlier start than usual is all.”_

_Leonard growled as a deep frown line formed across his forehead, “Damn hobgoblin! Can’t he see that you look like you haven’t had any sleep in days! The least he could do is let you take a personal day!”_

_“It’s not his fault sir, I didn’t turn in a report for a deadline.”_

_“Sir?” Doctor McCoy scoffed at the title, his facial features loosening as he leaned closer. “(Y/N) Are you alright?”_

_“I’m fine.” You excused, a lump forming in the bottom of your throat. Inclining your head out of respect, you hastily made your retreat. “Excuse me, Doctor.”_

The copy of yourself and Doctor McCoy suddenly dispersed into the air, the particles merging in to your surroundings and leaving the corridor empty. You sighed deeply as the memory slowly slotted into place with your missing timeline, you were right in your assumptions that it was the same memory as earlier. You remembered distinctly the fear which had spread through your veins like wildfire at the mere sight of the doctor walking towards you, and the relief in knowing that you had gotten away without further probing.

“I do not recall requesting your presence earlier than your pre-organised shift.” Spock questioned, his own gaze watching you closely as your teeth nibbled away at your lip lightly.

“That’s because you didn’t.” You sighed, your body arching as you leaned back against the wall of the corridor; your head falling back against one of the lowered panels. “I lied.”

Spock stepped backwards at the comment, his head tilting to the side.“Need I remind you that lying to a superior officer is-”

“I didn’t want anyone worrying about me.” You cut across sharply. Closing your eyes you thought back to the worry which had been displayed across Leonard’s features, the way his eyes had glistened with concern as he threatened to flick the switch into full medical mode. “It’s only some sleep I’m sure I’ll get some again soon.”

“Your use of tense suggests that you are still struggling with a form of Insomnia.”

Your eyes fluttered open as you pushed yourself away from the wall.

“It’s not Insomnia.” You deadpanned.

“Insomnia is the inability to sleep, a habit usually triggered by two main-”

“Let’s just follow the shadow, Commander.” You commanded, as you turned and began to lead the way back down the corridor in the direction your mirror image had headed.

Graced with silence, you took the opportunity to try and continue recalling memories. It was an odd sensation, but as you experienced the moment it would all slip back into place; even allowing you to experience the feelings that your own mirror image had felt. However, after each experience you kept falling back onto the same hollow feeling which had encompassed you from the start, it was odd. The feeling of numbness encased every inch of your mind, providing a balance against your usual warmth, however with each memory the hollowness seemed to grow, tipping the balance into the strange sensations favour.

It was frustrating, because no matter how hard you tried to place it, you couldn’t find it’s origins.

_“(Y/N)!”_

Your head snapped to the side just in time to spot Hikaru Sulu and Pavel Chekov running down the adjacent corridor towards you; large grins plastered across their faces as they came to a stop. Shuffling to the side, you suppressed a flinch as your mirror image appeared from nowhere.

_“Hey there she is!” Sulu smirked as he placed a hand on your copy’s shoulder, an action which caused your mirror image to shrink away at the touch._

_“Hi guys.” You replied, your voice missing its usual bounce._

_“You up for a game of Parrises squares?” Sulu probed._

Looking away from the conversation, you risked a glance back across to Spock. The commander appeared to be in his usual state, his back ramrod straight while his hands remained clasped behind him. His eyes watched the exchange silently, before flickering across to meet your own in a wordless stare.

_“You know, I’m not so sure I’m-”_

_“Come on! It’s your favourite!” Sulu cut across the excuse the ‘memory’ you was about to use, “Chekov here will even let you pick your team first!”_

_“Za!” Chekov exclaimed as he rocked on his toes, “Wait- What?”_

_“It’s not necessary Hikaru, I think I’ll pass tonight.” Your image smiled sadly before slipping between the two men._

_“What! But you love Parrises squares?”_

_“Hikaru is right (Y/N), Are you-”_

_“I’m fine.” You bit abruptly, your back still to the two officers. “Goodnight.”_

Finding your eyes lost within Spock’s, you felt a bubble of embarrassment press against your heart. You hated people seeing you this way, that much was derivable from the way you avoided the simple questions. Taking a deep breathe you reigned in your thoughts slowly, your eyes slowly drawing away from Spock’s.

Shuffling forwards you turned and walked through the mirage; the concerned figures of Chekov and Hikaru dispersing into the environment around you. Although the entire experience was embarrassing and indignant, at least you could draw some positives from the events. For example, with every mirage came back a series of memories, recreating the timeline in your head. The one you had just seen was older than the last, occurring the night before.

Wordlessly Spock fell into position beside you, his feet appearing alongside and in time with your own. You did little to acknowledge his presence, even as his arm silently brushed against your shoulder in an action you could only assume was done on purpose.

“What do you think this shadow is anyway?” You mused aloud intentionally, your main aim being that of steering the conversation as far away from the display you had just witnessed as possible.

“I am unsure.”

“Unsure? You?” You blew a raspberry at the notion, your eyes drifting away from the floor and back to the end of the corridor. “Surely you can sense it? I mean you are in my head after all.”

“Unfortunately the only presence I can sense is your own, however seeing as you are unable to recall the events of the away mission the only logical conclusion is that this ‘shadow’ is hiding behind your memories.”

Your heart stuttered as you felt all the colour drain from your face, “So we’re looking for the memory it’s hidden behind?”

Spock regarded you mutely, “Precisely.”

“And the only way we can do that, is if we follow it?”

Lapsing into silence you risked a glance across to the commander as he inclined his head slowly. Sighing you rolled your eyes dramatically, your personality hiding behind a more blaise facade.

“Great, this is taking invasion of privacy to a whole new level, Commander.”

“I can assure you Ensign, that what I see and experience in your mind will not reflect on how you are judged.” Spock iterated sharply, a slight bite in his words. “If it will make you more comfortable, I can informally address you by your name?”

You ceased walking and turned to face the commander, your fake confidence shifting into arrogance. “Well ain’t that reassuring.”

“To the contrary the action used to provide a form of comfort, It is indeed perplexing as to why you have recently reverted back to using rank.”

“Recently? What are you on about?”

“Prior to shore-leave the senior crew and myself considered you as a-” Spock’s eyes shimmered as he closed his mouth promptly before finishing the sentence. Jutting your hip outwards you leaned to the side, your eyebrow raised inquisitively as you awaited his response.

“-friend.” Spock announced, his head tilting to the side. “However, since returning, you appear to have changed.”

“I think I’m fine, thanks.”

“You do not find your image’s attitude concerning?”

You clenched your fists at the comment, how dare he come into your mind and start probing at your memories? Finding any excuse to further judge your services.

“I don’t see anything to be concerned about.”

Spock’s scrupulous eyes stared deep into your own, your thoughts falling into the rich hazel colour they emitted. “To the contrary, I also experience your feelings while melded and I can dedu-”

“Enough commander.” You shouted suddenly, your anger bubbling to the surface as your face burned a deep red.

You could have sworn a short smirk tugged at the Vulcan’s lips as he took a step away. “I appear to have struck a nerve.”

“Spock.” You warned, your lips parting as you took a deep breathe.

“Y/N.” Spock echoed.

“Spock I swear-”

You were cut off as a loud screech filled the halls of the Enterprise, the shrill sound reverberating off the walls causing you to shrink away from Spock; your hands clamping to your ears as you winced at the sound. It’s shrill tone causing the hairs on your arms to rise in response, before settling as it slowly lessened.

Disorientated you looked around blearily, your mouth dropping as your eyes came to rest on the shadow creature you had seen before. It’s body remained arched as it slowly wandered towards both you and Spock, its movements unnatural.

“Oh shit.”

Spock’s arms sought your shoulders as he aided you in to a more upright position. “It appears that we have drawn the attention of the presence.”

“That’s a bad thing, right?”

The creature’s shuffling slowly began to morph into a disjointed run, the darkness which oozed from its skin leaving a wispy trail behind it.

Commander Spock paused as his head shifted to the side slowly, his feet slipping behind him as he gradually began to lead both you and himself back down the corridor. “Considering the anomaly is heading towards us with pace, I believe it is accurate to assume it is aware of our intentions.”

“RUN!” You shouted, spinning in his grasp your hand sought his own as you yanked him alongside you and down the corridor at pace. Ignoring the hesitant jolt Spock elicited from the touch, you allowed your legs to carry you anywhere but there.

Gradually Spock began to overtake you, as his pace easily outmatching yours. Instead you allowed yourself to be partially dragged, while your eyes searched the walls of the corridor for any sign of refuge.

The frantic whispering of voices caused your skin to twitch in fear, a cold vice worming its way around your chest; shortening your breaths in fear. Glancing back over your shoulder, your eyes widening in shock as the dark shadow easily started to gain on you both.

“SPOCK!” You shouted as you turned back to the commander. “OVER THERE!”

Gesturing down a connecting corridor, you identified an uncharacteristic brown door. The oak door stood out against the stark white of the Enterprise’s corridor, its frame so unlike the metallic barriers to the other sectors of the ship. As you approached, the glass which remained set in the wood shimmered against the lights of the corridor, the reflected spots dancing across the adjacent wall. It reminded you all too bitterly of home.

Pushing against the oak wood door, Spock propelled you both through without a seconds thought before slamming it shut. Pressing your back against the wooden frame, you held you breathe as you slowly slipped to the ground beside Spock, the whispering of foreign voices increasing in volume and the shadowy figure froze before it.

Your heartbeat hammered loudly in your eardrums as both yourself and Spock fell into a deathly silence, only the soft padding of bare feet from the creature filled the air as it paced unevenly on the other side of the door.

_“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I pretend I’m alright but it’s never enough.”_

Scared you closed your eyes tightly, instead focusing on the sensation of Spock’s hand which remained tightly clasped within your own clammy palms. Your mind wandered for a moment, taking you away from the small dark room you were in and back to a lecture hall at the academy, you had spent the day listening to a biologist telling you about a Vulcan’s eye for detail when it came to touch, specifically with their hands and the intimacy which commonly laced the action.

Squeezing your fingers tightly, you suppressed a squeal as the oak of the door began to creak with added pressure from the other side. It was then when a rush of warmth swept over you, the feeling encompassing you in a warm embrace as electricity sparked from your fingers. Slowly Spock reciprocated the gesture in kind, his fingers slipping between your own and squeezing back. All previous anger you had held against him dispersed within seconds.

Together you stayed connected at the bottom of the door, wordless as after a few moments the padding of feet lessened and the shadow retreated away from the door.

“That was your fault.” You laughed breathlessly as you opened your eyes. Turning your blurred gaze met Spock’s in time to notice him staring at your linked hands. Following his own, you noted the intimacy of your locked fingers; your fingers tethered through his own. Pulling away abruptly, you forced a smile as you wiped your clammy palms hastily against your uniform.

Spock remained in what you could only assume was a daze, his hand shifting back into his lap as his hazel eyes traced the lines across his palms silently.

“Spock?” You questioned, worry carrying on your tone.

Snapping back to his usual self, the commander rose to his feet suddenly; his palms brushing down his uniform as he righted himself once again.

“(Y/N).” Spock reiterated, his head tilting as he watched you climb to your own feet beside him. “I fail to see how I caused the-”

_“Ensign (Y/L/N), I assume you are aware as to why you’re here.”_

_“I am sir, but with respect I was not expecting an audience.”_

Your eyes widened as the lights to the previously dark room suddenly blared to life, the sudden change in brightness overwhelming your senses. Stepping forwards you blinked slowly at the scene before you.

The room was small and intimate, a single round table sat in the centre with an electronic pad built into the framework. Around it were six chairs, of which three were in use. Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy leant forwards slowly, their elbows drawn high and onto the wood as they stared at your mirror image across the way.

You appeared disinterested in the meeting, and as you watched yourself the memory quickly returned and you numbly noted why.

_“(Y/N), Jim needs to be here for this. It’s formal part of the formal process-” Leonard explained, his hands falling against the table as he tapped away at the screen in the centre. Slowly a record began to load up on the screen as he leant further back into his chair. “-and, we’re worried about you, we all are.”_

_“Spock’s the one who should be here.” Jim seemed to hesitate between Leonard and yourself, before sighing loudly. “I can leave If you would-”_

_“There’s no need now, sir. I am sure Doctor McCoy has already filled you in on all of the details.” You mumbled, your own arms crossing over your chest. “The commander does not need to know.”_

_“Please no more ‘sirs’, just Jim.”_

_“Yes, Jim. Sorry please Leonard, go on.”_

Tears began to well in your eyes as the overwhelming feeling of sadness pummeled in to your body, the sensation to just curl up and cry your eyes out momentarily overwhelming as you sought refuge from the onslaught of questions.

“Spock, lets leave.” You pleaded, your eyes holding back a barrage of tears as your arm extended outwards towards him.

However instead of following, the commander did not even spare you a brief look; instead stepping closer to the table as he peered closely at the record on display.

_Clearing his throat Jim pushed through the awkwardness which suffocated the air, “This meeting has been called to acknowledge your request of transfer. In addition, to those concerns which have been raised from other members of the crew.”_

Spock’s gaze snapped away from the records instantaneously, his gaze sharply turning to your own as what you deduced as a look of betrayal seemingly flashed across his eyes.

The tears you had been holding slowly slipped down your cheek, carving a river through your features as you shook your head in disappointment of yourself.

_Leonard shook his head in disbelief as he leant forwards abruptly. “You requested a transfer? Why?”_

_“It’s a long story.”_

“Spock.” You whispered defeatedly, your voice trembling with emotion.

Ignoring your plea, the Vulcan moved around the room and to the mirror image of yourself; his hands dangling loosely by his side instead of their usual position clasped behind his back.

_“We have the time.” Jim challenged, seemingly fed up of your constant excuses and biting attitude._

_“You asked for a change in details on your personal record. A change of kin but you provided no alternative contact.” Leonard grumbled, his face softening. “Something tells me it’s related kid.”_

_Your image remained silent and instead looked away from the concerned gaze of Leonard McCoy._

_“Did you wish to supply a new one?” Jim probed._

_“No.”_

Gritting your teeth, you felt the memory slot into your own timeline of events. It had happened mere hours before you left for the mission, and a day after you had filed the request. The familiar hollowness threatened to succumb you as the barrage of questions and concerned looks continued.

_Jim seemed exasperated as he threw his head backwards, “What happened during shore leave (Y/N)?”_

_“Excuse me, but is it really necessary for me to-”_

_“GOD DAMMIT WOMAN! How exactly are we supposed to help you if you don’t let us in?”_

_“I don’t need your help, I am fine.  It would probably be best for everyone if you just left me alone.”_

The memory melted away as you dipped your head in shame, the tears which slipped from your eyes coating your cheek entirely. Clenching your fists you wished hard for the scenario to be a dream, however despite the vain attempts of optimism the darkness eventually dragged you back down.

“You requested a transfer?” Spock questioned, his voice hoarse.

You didn’t look then, your heart hammered against your ribcage as you turned your back to the commander.

“(Y/N)-”

“I know Spock” You sighed, “I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry.”

Spock’s lip twitched in anger as he marched across the room so that he was standing behind you, his gaze hard on the back of your head as he continued. “I am perplexed as to why you should request a transfer, has your service aboard the Enterprise not been satisfactory?”

“You know it has been Spock, I’ve loved every minute of it.”

“Then I must conclude that your decision is influenced by my command.”

“What!” You exclaimed, turning in your spot to face the Vulcan.  “Spock, No!”

“Then enlighten me Ensign (Y/L/N)? Why request transfer from a highly sought after position?”

“Because…” You froze as the darkness which had embraced the room began to lighten, a small crack extending from a far wall and allowing light to flood your surroundings. Gradually the hollowness of which your soul fought to stay afloat in began to drag you down, your eyes fluttering as you neared the edge of realisation. “I- I can’t tell you Spock. I can’t remember why, I just know it wasn’t you! It could never be you!”

“How?”

“I can’t.” You gasped. “I don’t want to burden you, or change the dynamic of everything.”

Spock’s face seemingly relaxed as his eyes bore into your own. Something within your chest told you it was okay to open up to the commander, that there was something more to your relationship than even you could recall at the moment. But no matter how hard you tried to formulate the words, you never had the bravery to let them pass your lips. “I’m sorry.”

“As I previously stated, nothing that occurs in this realm will change the way in which I perceive your character.”

“This will.” You sighed as the pressure behind the back of your mind exploded.

The crack against the far wall expanded suddenly, a strong gust of wind pulling yourself and Spock through and into the crevice. You suppressed a scream as you tumbled through nothingness, the shimmering prismatic effect returning as your gravity shifted and your falling became floating. Slowly your feet lowered to a clear glass ground, the effect of your touch creating a tidal wave of colour and motion as the blank canvas around you morphed into a different scene entirely.

You suppressed a shiver as a cold winter wind bit away at your extremities. You were standing on a mountain pass, beside a winding road which crept through the large crevices between the towering rocks. White snow blanketed the ground, breaking in places where people and cars had passed leaving a solid black ice to take over. The surface of the snow shimmered with crystals, mirroring the shimmering stars which laced the night sky above you. Across the road from you was your mirror image, her arms wrapped tightly around herself as she stood beside an all too familiar car.

_“Why can’t you just be happy for me!” Your copy cried in anger, her hands screwed in to fists._

You stepped closer numbly as your eyes trailed from your image to the car your family drove, behind the panes of glass was your mother and father; both of whom seemed exasperated at the moment.

_“We are sweetheart, It’s just some things need to take priority over others.” Your mother tried, her hand extended outwards from the passenger side._

_“So I need to put my dreams aside for your own selfish needs!” You shouted back, your anger evident as it flashed across your eyes. A soft puff of mist emitted from your lips, the heat rising into the freezing air before dispersing outwards._

“Ensign we must move.”

You turned away from the confusing scene, your head aching with ferocity as you met Spock’s gaze. It was strange, but the commander seemed to have already derived the meaning of the memory before you had even comprehended it. Shaking your head defiantly, you turned back to the scene before you, your feet slowly continuing to shuffle forwards.

_“We’re not asking you to do that!” You father sighed from the driver’s side, his eyes narrowed._

_“Then what are you asking me to do? Huh?”_

“(Y/N).” Spock tried again, however you brushed the call aside with a brief flick of your wrist.

_Your mother and father seemed to exchange a brief glance before turning back to you. Your image remained hunched beside the window, her arms drawn across her chest expectantly as her lip curled in anticipation._

_“The stars will be around far longer than we are.” You mother sighed, her eyes watering as she met your own gaze._

_“Oh don’t you dare do this! Don’t make this about them!”_

_“(Y/N).” Your mother tired, however she was cut off as your copy slammed her hands against the roof of the car._

_“Leave me. I can make my own way back.”_

_Your mother opened your mouth to fight back, however faltered when your father raised a hand in defence._

_“Leave her.” Meeting your gaze he forced a small smile, “We’ll see you back at the house.”_

You watched numbly as the car pulled away from the side of the road slowly and began to make its pass down the mountain; its tires crunching against the fresh snow which littered the road. Coming up beside your mirror image, your stomach knotted tightly as you watched from her position beside the edge of the mountain and down on to the winding road below.

Time seemed to slow as the old red family car rounded one of the final corners on the descent, it’s pace was safe and cautionary as the black ice had already taken too many lives that year. However despite the caution, nothing could have stopped the much faster modern car which emerged out of the final blind turn.

A loud screeching of breaks filled the air, the sound bouncing between the tall pine trees; their bristles vibrating as if in response. Despite the other car’s efforts, the breaking did little to stop it’s approach as its momentum carried it across the ice and into the side of your family.

 ** _“NO!”_** Both you and your mirror image screamed, the raw emotion behind the sound seeping through you.

You watched in horror as the red metal of your family’s car buckled, flipping across on its side and against the barrier; the roof crumpling inwards as a large horn began to fill the air loudly. Continuing to rock, the mass of metal tumbled continuously until it reached the sharp embankment of the mountain where it’s momentum carried down below; where the dark shadows of the trees consumed it.

Taking a shuddered breath, you felt your knees quake as the memory slowly slotted back into its usual spot within your mind. It had happened during shore leave, you were enjoying your final day with your family before submerging yourself back into the darkness of space. It has been going to well until they had started to plead with you, begging you to quit and join them on their immigration to one of Starfleet’s newest starbases.

Beside you, your copy began to scream in anger and worry as she took off down the road at a run, her intentions focused solely on checking your family’s well being.

You didn’t need to follow her to recall what she would find once you got there.

“NO!” You cried again, stepping forwards you went to move after your mirror image only to have the warm arms of Spock encircle your waist; pulling you back from the edge. “Let me go! I need to save them!”

“You cannot.” Spock announced, his tone one of sadness. “This is a memory (Y/N), you can not interact or change the past.”

“Least let me try!” You shouted again, your hands prying away at his grasp as your tears flowed freely down from your eyes; your nose streaming in time. “PLEASE!”

Spock’s grip tightened as the loud screaming from earlier returned and the shadow emerged from the treeline behind you. You turned with Spock, your eyes widening as you noted that the screaming sound it emitted wasn’t actually a cry, but instead imitated the screeching of tires as the car had tried to break before the crash.

Like murky water receding from a beach, all become clear. This was the dark memory the being hid behind, drawing its power and keeping you locked inside your head for its own selfish and sadistic needs. Anger quickly mixed with your grief as you found the urge to fight, quickly replace your need to see your family.

“The presence is approaching.” Spock commented, anchoring your thoughts.  “I suggest we seek refuge in another memory.”

Your eyes welled with tears as the shadow shuffled towards you, it’s arms clicking into place as it swayed slowly. Feeling your breath catch in your throat, you turned back to the scene of the crash behind you; a tall plume of smoke rising into the air from where your family’s car now resided.

“I killed them.” You whispered dejectedly.

“(Y/N), focus.”

The way in which Spock said your name caused your shoulders to relax. His grip in turn loosening around you.

“How?” You shuddered, your head aching as you struggled to remain focused. “How do we change the memory?”

Spock remained silent, his lack of answer leading you to turn and face him entirely. There wasn’t many times in which the commander was speechless, in fact he was usually the first to offer up a suggestion or a plan. However as you watched his all too human eyes meet your own, you realised he had no alternative. There was no plan b.

“You should leave, Spock.” You smiled as warmingly as you could, your heart aching at the thought of him being consumed by the creature before you. “Save yourself.”

“No, It is my duty as commanding officer-”

“Spock. Please, I’m just an Ensign.”

Spock shook his head once, “To the contrary the Enterprise would not be the same without you. The efficiency of the science lab would not be upheld to the same standard, and your level of work is far greater than many other Ensign’s in your division.”

You laughed quietly as you stepped closer, “A reference isn’t what I need to hear right now. Please, let me atleast have a chance at saving you.”

Spock’s lips drew into a thin line, his hands unclasping from behind his back and instead to rest by his sides. “You requested to leave the Enterprise due to the loss of your family.”

Surprised at the sudden change in direction, you frowned. “I killed them, I got the people I love killed. I can’t have that happen again with you all.”

Your voice wavered as you looked away from the commander, “It’s so hard Spock, waking up alone. You don’t understand.”

“The feelings you describe are similar to those i experienced the day my planet was destroyed.”

You cringed inwardly at you complete disregard to his own past. Here you were, complaining and moaning about being alone, when you weren’t truly as alone as the commander. Afterall, you hadn’t lost almost your entire species to the hands of a madman.

“But it wasn’t your fault.”

“Neither was this yours.” Spock cemented.

Drawing your eyes back upwards to meet his own, you struggled to ignore the approaching creature beside you.

“You saw what happened.”

“Indeed, a rogue car forced your family’s off the edge. An action of which you could not predict.”

“I slowed them down, If I hadn’t of insisted on getting out… If I hadn’t delayed them then-”

“You would have perished also.” Spock eyes narrowed slightly as their surfaces shimmered in the starlight. “Your logic is flawed. You imply that you have an influence over time and were aware of the events to follow.”

“No but-”

“You are not alone.”

Your mouth gaped at his words, the hollowness which resonated through you faltering as he stepped closer; his breath hot against your face as he drew himself uncharacteristically closer.

“Family is not bound by blood. You have family aboard the Enterprise (Y/N). Your loss would not only impact them, but-” Spock seemed to flinch, “Myself also.”

Blinking slowly you felt your tears slow as you stared into the eyes of commander Spock. Deep within your gut, a tendon pulled tightly causing you to frown inwardly. It was the same sensation you had experienced earlier when spending time with the commander. Between the lingering stares, the close proximity and the lack of surprise when you grabbed his hands, you seemed to draw the same conclusion that you had before. But you didn’t need your memories to confirm it.

“Spock. You wanted to know how I knew you weren’t the reason behind my resignation.” You began, your hands twitching longingly.

Spock watched you carefully as you slowly rested your palm across his side, the beat of his vulcan heart drumming against your fingertips.

“I think you already do.” You resigned, your eyes fluttering slowly.  “We’re not just colleagues are we, Spock?”

In a sudden flurry, Spock’s hand slipped down to your own. His fingers trailing across your skin and leaving goosebumps in your wake. His touch was gentle as he initially lingered at your pulse, your heart thrumming against his soft skin as he exhaled a deep breath across your face. With time ticking ever slowly, Spock allowed his touch to continue up across your palms and to the very tips of your fingers; where they nestled against your own. Instantly the familiar feeling of warmth rushed through you as comfort smothered you entirely. Blinking slowly, you pushed back at his fingers with your own as you drew your face closer.

Remaining still. Spock showed no sign of pulling out as you pressed your warm lips against his own. Slowly you lazily moved them, your cheeks coating his own with a dampened shell of tears as you wrapped your lips around his; embracing them in a similar warmth as the electricity which pulsated from his fingers.

With your free hand, you moved it up and away from his heart; instead resting it in on the side of his face as he remained still and lost in the moment. Gently your thumb stroked the edge of his high cheekbone, before coming to rest at the edge of his hairline. The corners of your lips tugged upwards as Spock reciprocated the kiss, his fingers tightening on your own as he unknowingly pushed you harder against him.

Pulling away reluctantly Spock’s irises glimmered, their surface filled with the same emotion you had seen earlier on. Love.

Unlinking your fingers, you used the back of your hand to wipe away your tears; your heart sinking as you knew your next actions would meet heavy restraint. “Thank you for trying to save me, for trying to drive the crazy out of my head.”

Pushing away from Spock, you turned your attention back to the creature. It had continued to approach you both, even during the intimate moment you shared; however unlike before its stumbling seemed slow as it weakly gained on you both.

Feeling your bravery peak, you ran towards to the shadow; your feet faltering as you came to a stop before the creature.

“(Y/N)!”

Slowly the shadows began to disperse away from the creature, its head tilting to the side as the whispering ceased all together and it adopted a more humanoid expression.

A smirk of determination flittered across your face as you relished in the limited memories you had.

“The shadow Spock.” You began as your mind drifted back to the warmth of Spock’s embrace. “It’s not an entity, a presence or a monster…”

The shadows dispersed into the surroundings then, revealing the true nature of the being before you. Blinking away tears you realised what the whole experience was about, it was an simplistic puzzle one where the key to waking up rested at the centre of your consciousness. It was about coming to terms with the darkness which embraced you, about accepting the loss in your life and finding a way to move on. It was about accepting who you were.

“It’s me.”

Slowly the creature revealed itself to you all, your mirror image smiling sadly as it lifted its head. Staring at your eyes, you reached outwards; the creature mirroring your own actions as your fingers hesitated mere inches apart. Taking a final draw of breath, you closed your eyes.

You couldn’t help the soft gasp which tore through your throat as the image stepped forwards, its fingers embracing yours as the darkness which had once emanated from it filled you instead. 

Merging into one you stumbled slightly, the cold ice which had filled you once before returning and causing your heart to stutter to a standstill. Feeling your lungs seize, your legs went limp as you head spun erratically.

“(Y/N)!”

You could only listen to Spock’s cry as you fell backwards and towards the ground. Eyes wide, you watched the dark sky knowingly as the white light of the stars shimmered their final goodbye, however instead of hitting the ground you phased past it; leaving Spock’s crouched form behind above you.

Tumbling through the oblivion you watched as in a flurry of flashes, various memories of your time aboard the Enterprise acted out before you; returning to your own mind. Your head pulsed strongly as moments you shared between yourself and Spock returned, flashes of some of your more intimate memories confirming the conclusion you had drawn before the kiss. However as they become more recent, you noticed the change in yourself; pushing him further and further away until there was nothing left.

The scenes quickly changed and morphed as the sound of laughter filled the darkness around you, flashes of moments you shared with the members of the crew filling your mind. Fencing with Sulu, language with Chekov, shopping with Nyota, lunch with Doctor McCoy, prank wars with Jim and even a brief kiss with Spock. The warmth of love filled you once again, as your smile reached past just your features.

Because you knew, despite the foreshadowing darkness which echoed throughout your consciousness, you hadn’t lost **all** of your family.

_‘I don’t wanna be an island_

_I just wanna feel alive and_

_Get to see your face again_

_But ‘til then_

_Just my echo, my shadow_

_You’re my only friend and…_

_I’m out on the edge and I’m screaming my name_

_Like a fool at the top of my lungs_

_Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I’m alright_

_But it’s never enough_

_Cause my echo, echo_

_Oh my shadow, shadow_

_Hello, hello!_

_Anybody out there?’_

**You are never alone.**

Gasping your eyes flew open, the white lights of medbay assaulting them suddenly as you gazed dozily at the paneled ceiling above you. Through half shut eyelids, you rocked your head to the side; your eyes meeting the familiar hazel of Spock’s as he slowly peeled his fingers away from your temple.

Beside him, Jim and Leonard McCoy shared a sigh of relief; grins quickly filling their features.

“It’s good to have you back, (Y/N).”


End file.
